Because summing up the past year normally makes me feel bad, so I don’t usually write this type of post. However, I want to write something about my 2017, even though it wasn’t a very good year. It was dull and full of disappointment, people messed up with me so much to the point that made me kinda wanna shoot them all, and I wasn’t broke but felt like I have nothing in my life – the feeling of meaningless and wasted life. Yes, it’s not just bad, it’s a terrible year.
That’s one of the reasons which makes me wanna change, one way or another, I wanna try again. So if you don’t know me, you will think I’m the type that never have to try to have something. But it isn’t my life, anything I want, I have to work really hard to get it, I was born to fight to get what I want, I just live so freely that people usually mistaken that’s I was born with everything. I always suffer from work, my work is my life, I cannot enjoy a trip to a beautiful land if my work doesn’t go well. It sounds ridiculous but it’s me, so I wanna break that bad habit. That’s the reason why I made a huge decision at the end of 2017 – going back to a full-time job after 5 years broke out of that life. It was a huge challenge to me, to be back as a graphic designer working full time is not what I want to do, but somehow I persuade myself to do so. I never like the feeling of being tied up at one place 8 hours (or more) a day, don’t mistaken me, I love working as a graphic designer, I just don’t like the 9to5 life. Luckily, it’s been almost 3 months, everything is still good, slowly adapting to a new routine, living a total different life. It’s kinda fun to be back to the work that I should have been doing to make a living. At this point, I truly understand how it feels when you have to do something you dislike to have a chance to do something you like. Let me tell you this, climbing up the social ladder or earning much money is never my thing, I want to live to do what I love, no matter how the rest of the world will be like. And there’s a fact that I’m a workaholic, I find myself at my best when I have things to work on 24/7. My brains work endlessly when have things to be finished, work to be done, plans to be taken care of. Seriously, I don’t like having too much free time, I don’t truly feel exhausted when I have to work too much (physically, yes but mentally, no). When I see my life be back on this road, I feel happy. It’s been quite long since the last time I found myself happy, just cannot explain how amazing it is. People normally say ‘Work hard, play harder’, my motto is the reversed version: ‘Play hard, work harder’.
So, this year of the Dog is going to be better for sure. I promise to make myself things that I didn’t do before, I promise to be positive as long as I can, and I promise that I will crash whoever tries to mess up with me.